Seven Cuts for Men Who Treat Styling as an Optional Extra

Every barber knows the type. Sits down, great lad, and when you ask how he styles his hair at home he looks at you like you've asked him to explain cryptocurrency. 'I just... get up?' Sound familiar?

There's no shame in it. Some men have lives — night shifts, festivals, a baby, a dog, all of the above. They need a cut that works at 6am after four hours' sleep and a pint the night before. Here's the honest rundown I give in the chair.

1. The Buzzcut (Number One All Over)

Best for: Shift workers, gym lads, anyone who sweats for a living.

Ask for: 'One all over, skin fade or tapered at the sides if I've got a tricky hairline.'

Lifespan: Looks intentional for three weeks. Beyond that, you'll want a tidy-up. Zero styling, ever. It's the cut for men who consider hair maintenance a personality flaw.

2. The French Crop

Best for: Straight or slightly wavy hair, busy dads, anyone with a fringe-adjacent hairline.

Ask for: 'Short back and sides, textured crop on top, blunt fringe.'

Lifespan: Five to six weeks. You literally push it with a towel after a shower and walk out the door. The messier it gets, the better it looks. It's the cut equivalent of a decent Harrington jacket.

3. The Number Two with a Skin Fade

Best for: Curly or afro hair, festival-goers.

Ask for: 'Two on top, skin fade down to nothing at the sides.'

Lifespan: Two to three weeks before the fade loses its shape — but even grown out, it never looks bad, just relaxed. Curls on top mean zero product. Sweat, rain, a moshpit in Reading: it bounces back.

4. The Mid-Length Shag (Yes, Really)

Best for: Wavy hair, blokes in bands, men who'd rather die than own product.

Ask for: 'Keep the length, take the weight out, layers through the ends.'

Lifespan: Eight to ten weeks. It's deliberately unkempt. Bedhead isn't a bug, it's the entire feature. Works just as well after a festival weekend as it does at a gig in Camden.

5. The Induction Cut

Best for: Receding hairlines, men who've read my other articles and made peace with it.

Ask for: 'Shave it, or take it to a zero with a foil shaver.'

Lifespan: Indefinite, with a shave every few days. The lowest-maintenance option in existence. Your only job is sunscreen and a bit of moisturiser.

6. The Taper (Not a Fade — a Taper)

Best for: Office lads who need to look presentable on a Monday video call but refuse to try.

Ask for: 'Keep the length on top, taper the sides and back, natural hairline.'

Lifespan: Six weeks. You wake up, run wet hands through it, done. It grows out gracefully instead of turning into a mushroom, which is why it's the quiet favourite of teachers, engineers and men who've worn the same coat since 2016.

7. The Short Textured Quiff

Best for: Thick hair, lads who want one minute of effort max.

Ask for: 'Short sides, textured on top, keep the front length so I can get some lift.'

Lifespan: Four to five weeks. One dab of matte paste — and I mean one, a pea-sized amount — rubbed through with fingers. That's the whole routine. If that's too much commitment, this isn't your cut. No shame in it.

The Honest Bit

Low-maintenance doesn't mean no-maintenance. Every cut on this list buys you weeks of freedom, but they all need a chair visit to stay sharp. The lads who look effortlessly put-together aren't blessed — they've just found the right cut and booked the next appointment before they've left the shop.

So next time you're in, tell me the truth: you're never going to own a comb, are you? Good. Now we can pick something that actually suits your life.